


Tripping on the edge

by DIORJOONG



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Begging, Blood, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kanji - Freeform, Lee Taeyong is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Taeyong made the wrong decision and hurt Ten, taeyong needs to go to a therapist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28489551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DIORJOONG/pseuds/DIORJOONG
Summary: Taeyong was really tryingHe needed to be alone, it was the only way everything was okay
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Kudos: 23





	Tripping on the edge

Taeyong was really _trying_

It wasnt the first time he’s been up all night because off insomnia, or nightmares

He hasn’t eaten in a couple of days, he wasnt answering his calls, he didnt open the door when the doorbell rangs

He _needed_ to be alone, it was the only way everything was okay

He couldn’t stand the concern looks from his classmates, the half-accused half-worried questions from his friends, let alone _Ten_

He swear to have over 100 missed calls from him, after all, the last time they meet Taeyong broke down, He cried and cried until he fell asleep, Ten didn’t understand anything and couldn’t do anything but look at him with worry and his broken heart, and that was two weeks ago, they haven’t heard from each other since then.

He doesn’t even remember the last time they had a date or spent the night together, he always ended up thinking he wasn’t enough for him, that Ten was suffering because of him, and he was trying to stop these thoughts, he was really trying, but it was useless

Taeyong had been broken for a long time, he was trying to move forward ignoring the pressure on his chest, waiting for it to just be a stage and pass at some point.

But he had reached his limit a long time ago, he was tripping on the edge, and it was definitely not a passing thing.

失

The sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the rooms, Taeyong thought off ignore it as usual, cover his whole body with blankets and wait for whoever was on the other side of the door to get tired and leave, but this time not only didnt stop, but started banging on the door harder and harder, Taeyong was afraid that at that pace the door was going to fall down, so he sat on the edge of the bed thinking about whether to open it or not.

When he got up completely he felt dizzy and slightly lost his balance, by reflexive action he leaned his hand on the bedside table, throwing to the ground something that seemed to be a glass of water, turning the floor into a pile of slippery crystals.

_Fuck_

The blows were getting stronger but his head was too overwhelmed to process it at all

He straightens as he can while dropping a whimper on the throbbing headache, he felt he would lose his balance at any moment.

He begins to walk to the door while holding his head in his hand trying to relieve the pain, his mind is so clouded he didnt remember the crystals until the sharp crystal is buried in his foot sole, it hurt like hell, it’s okay tho , he always liked pain, likes how it keeps him grounded.

smell of sweat and blood was all over the apartment, because of inertia Taeyong was still walking even though he couldn’t think clearly, "shit, since when is this hallway so long?!" , it really will take time to clean all the bloody floor

The blows were heard closer and closer and he began to get nervous, he felt dizzy, nervous and sore, he was already in front of the door but only wanted to return to the tranquility of his room

In less than a few seconds his vision went from being cloudy to completely blurry, the blows slowly stopped being heard, groping he found the doorknob and turned it around although it was the last thing he did before he fainted

Before Ten could open the door he heard a loud noise, stink of blood and dirt hit his face and made him wrinkle his nose, followed by the cry of concern and surprise at seeing Taeyong’s body on the floor and the trail of blood in the hallway and his clothes.

He didn’t understand what was going on, he shook Taeyong but he stood still, Ten felt like there was blood everywhere, he was so nervous his hands were shaking and his mind was blank, Ten never put himself in the worst scenarios but this time he expected the worst. By instinct he carried him in his arms and took him to his car, he had to take him to the hospital before it was too late, praying it wasnt already.

血

A week later Taeyong was back in his apartment, after Ten took him to the hospital he was hospitalized because of his foot's wound, it wasn’t deep or worrying but he received some stitches to close it. They told him he fainted becouse off several days without taking or eating anything and his body was beginning to deteriorate, if he had neglected one or two more days it might not have ended this well, they prescribed medication for his wound and recomended him rest, Because even though it wasn’t deep, it wasn’t small.

When Taeyong awoke Ten didnt seek explanations, nor scolded him, nor even spoke to him outside of necessary conversations. The same day that Taeyong left the hospital he brought clean clothes and took him home, helped him move to his room and cleaned his apartment, cleaned the dried blood off the floor, picked up the broken glass, cleaned the dust while venting the rooms with the windows open and filled his fridge with his own money.

Just before he left, he asked Taeyong if he needed help with bathing, he felt too numb to even get into the bathtub, so he agreed

It wasn’t the first time they saw each other naked, but this time felt different, Ten helped him sit in the bathtub and started soaping his hair, Taeyong was facing away from Ten but he could still feel his sore look on his neck, not a single word, not a scream, no blows, no claims, only grief and concern glances.

That’s why Taeyong needed to be alone to not hurt anyone

He just waited and let himself be done until Ten finished cleaning him up, he couldn’t help crying in silence, he was overwhelmed because he didn’t know what to do, because he felt like shit and his body hurt like hell, he just wanted to stop giving trouble, stop being a nuisance. Ten ended up, pretending not to hear him cry or feel his spasms in his hands while cleaning him, helped him get dressed and took him back to his room while he picked up and cleaned the bathroom.

Taeyong was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for Ten to come out of the bathroom, he was so nervous his hands were sweating and his heart was pounding so hard he felt like he was about to throw it up at any moment, what if Ten walked by without speaking to him?, What if he realizes there’s nothing worth doing for him?, What if he just glances at him with disgust before he leaves? What if-?

The sound of the door opening made him look up from the floor and met the minor eyes, who just closed the door behind his back and began to speak.

—You have food in the fridge, precooked too in case you don’t feel like cooking, in the bathroom drawer you have your medicines and what you need to heal your foot wound, just do it like the nurse, I’ve warned your college buddies that you have to take rest so they’ll be taking notes for you too, if you need anything else you have my number and my house address, do you need anything else? I’m going to leave now, Taeyong, if I call you please answer the phone, if you don’t I’ll have to come here again and you don’t want that, do you?

Taeyong had a lump in his throat after seeing Ten’s pitiful smile in the last question, he felt ashamed, burden, useless, good-for-nothing. He had the feeling that if he talked or looked him in the eyes he would break down and cry again, he just bowed his head and whispered in shame and with trembling voice

—I’m so sorry...

He heard Ten clicked his tongue

—Tae, believe me, that’s the last thing I wanted to hear from you right now, look at me, can’t you see me? I’ve been trying to call you for weeks, but the only thing I found is the answering machine, when you didn’t answer my phone I have spent hours and hours sitting here waiting to be able to speak with you and to know what the hell is happening to you, I was content to be able to see you but always came back empty-handed, the last time I came finally you opened the door but at what price? The last thing I expected was to find you on the floor unconscious and full of blood, I was in shock and didn’t know what to fucking do, Taeyong, I thought you were dead! All I saw was blood and more blood and I didn’t know where it was coming from, when I carried you in my arms I realized that you had lost a lot of weight since the last time we met and that only made me feel more uneasy, when I was driving to the hospital I couldn’t stop shaking and thinking about whether you were dead or not, The world was falling on me, I think I only breathed again when I was told at the hospital that it was just a cut on your foot and that you had fainted from not eating well for several days, I was glad about that, I was glad about that because at least you were still alive.

Taeyong, I love you, I want to live my life with you, but what about this? , I’m here right now after bringing you from the hospital after weeks of trying to contact you without even knowing what’s going on with you, is it because you don’t trust me anymore? Am I not enough for you? I really want to help you but I don’t know how and I’m going crazy, please, I can’t bear to see you like this, Tae, please count on me again

And it’s enough to break Taeyong, he falls from the edge of the bed to the floor and curls up on his knees, he can’t help crying again, he feels like he just had a bucket of cold water thrown at him while he was being beaten, why didn’t he ever think about how Ten felt? He thought that if he isolated himself he could protect others while he waited for him to be the same as before, but he was only protecting himself, he hurt the most important person in his life, his boyfriend and his best friend, who was with him through thick and thin for years, how could he be so selfish? He was really good for nothing.

Ten sat next to him for a few minutes he couldn’t stop the tears as he heard Taeyong crying inconsolably, had a lump in his throat and his head was so overwhelmed that he couldn’t think what to do or how to react.

A few more minutes passed until Taeyong’s crying lost intensity, when Ten drew courage from where he didn’t have to approach him shoulder to shoulder and hugged him, tangled his fingers with his hair and caressed his back when Taeyong hugged him back.

Taeyong huddled on Ten’s body, his head was spinning and he could only act instinctively looking for the warmth of the other boy’s arms, his body was no longer in tension and he felt tired and sleepy. It was the first time in weeks he felt that if he closed his eyes he would fall deeply asleep, and he did so, snuggled as close as he could to Ten’s body and closed his eyes, feeling at home.

—You know, Taeyongie, I don’t know what you’re going through right now, or how we’re gonna get out of this, but we’re gonna do it together as usual, okay? , thank you for letting me be with you now, thank you for being so good to me. We’re one good-for-bad, just trust me, but don’t ever drag me out of your life again, please, deal done?

Taeyong smiled sleepily, nodded on Ten’s chest and reached for his hand to interlace their fingers

—Deal made

And that’s when he remembered once again _Ten was his home_

静

**Author's Note:**

> 失 : loss, defect, failure, lose, fail, error  
> 血 : blood  
> 静 : quiet, calm, tranquility


End file.
